Starting this week, I will be posting my book, A CHiP on my Shoulder – How to Love Your Cop with Attitude. Yep, a couple of times a week, you’ll be able to start at the beginning and read through it, word for word.
Kind of an out of the box idea, I know. But here’s where I’m goin’ with this.
Back in late 2005 and early 2006, the California Highway Patrol lost a total of six officers over the holidays. It was AWFUL. We banded together as blue blood families do, and muddled through it. And some of their widows are now my friends. Chief often says that these ladies are real heroes, and I completely agree. But during that time, we were also losing officers to suicide. In the course of four years, 15 CHP officers took their own lives. During this rash of on duty deaths, the numbers seemed to increase in frequency.
Chief and I were about to turn in one evening, when he looked at his Blackberry one last time. Another suicide. I yelled to him across the room, “What are we DOING?!” I was talking about the CHP – what are THEY doing – but for some reason, I started asking myself the question. What am I doing? And soon thereafter, in a quiet moment with God, a title came to me: A CHiP on my Shoulder. I wouldn’t write it for another four years, but in that time I got involved. I started caring on purpose. I started listening. Joined the Family Panel. Listened some more. Did research. And finally I wrote – prayerfully and thoughtfully. And CHiP was born during the toughest season of marriage Chief and I have had to endure yet. Which actually made the book that much better.
A CHiP on my Shoulder became available this time last year. And only a small percentage of police spouses have read my book thus far. But the response has been almost overwhelming. I get lots of letters saying that CHiP has changed perspectives, brought more understanding, encouraged them, saved their marriage, and spurred much needed conversations with their officers. They laugh, they cry, they see themselves in what I wrote. And I’m thrilled.
But I’m just getting started. Because the response has been so positive, it’s given me the confidence to work even harder at getting the word out. Blogging my book is just one more step to that end. My hope is that more will hear what I have to offer – and that it will make a difference.
But I also would love it if you entered into a conversation with others (and me) about the book. Stories, positive comments, respectful disagreement, or other thoughts that are spurred by sections of the book are not only welcomed, but encouraged. I’m still listening to learn – and have plans for more resources. Talks, seminars, more books, Bible studies – these are what I’d eventually like to have available, and how much better will they be with the input of hundreds as compared with the 35 I listened to during the writing of CHiP!
The only thing I ask is that you keep it positive, and listen to learn with me. There is so much division in this world – we can’t possibly agree on everything! But we can respect each other in the process.
One last thing – subscribe and tell others, okay? If you find it helpful, maybe others will too. And we all need a little help from time to time. Especially in this crisis-driven field.
Thanks to those of you who have purchased my book, loaned it to others, and have sent me great letters. My hope is that many more will do this, and engage in the discussions. We need each other!
Victoria Newman - "A CHiP on My Shoulder" September 25th, 2012
Posted In: A CHiP on My Shoulder
Tags: cop marriage, law enforcement, police marriage, police wives
Yesterday we buried Officer Kenyon Youngstrom and paid tribute to who he was as an officer, a family man, and a man of faith. We heard from several CHP officers, some of whom shed tears while they spoke, and I offered Kleenex to still others who were affected. Many of the officers present did not even know Kenyon. I didn’t.
And I ask myself,
Why do some people hate cops so much?
Why does a man see a young officer on the side of the road tending to a dead deer, pull over, and come out shooting? Where does that rage come from?
A few days prior, a fellow LEO wife had her husband’s uniform hanging in her car, and decided to stop at 7-11 on her way home from the dry cleaners. Four scumbags nearby commented rather loudly, “That guy should’ve taken out more cops before he got gunned down in cold blood.” Where does that come from? It sends shivers down my spine. (And it’s a reminder to all of us LEOWs to put the dry cleaning in the trunk).
I’ve been thinking about this quite a bit. Asking God about it. And then …
Across the world, Muslim extremists are tearing our embassies apart, and killed our Ambassador to Libya and three others, including two Marines. It makes my blood boil.
Where does that come from? Why do some people hate America so much?
I drove myself to the funeral yesterday – in my blue Prius. My car didn’t look like the others that were parked on every flat surface a half mile radius around the church. And I watched cops arrive from every direction. They are intimidating. Chiseled faces, helmets and caps, sunglasses, shiny badges, lights flickering, weapons around their waists. Because I’m sorta into this kinda thing, I got this warm feeling inside. Wow. But what about others who got caught in the traffic jam? Did the same view that gives me warm fuzzies give them a sense of dread? I’d be willing to bet yes.
There are three different kinds of people in this world. There are sheep, wolves, and sheepdogs.*
The sheep are the biggest group – they live quiet lives meal to meal, don’t care about much that doesn’t affect their world, and just want to be safe and happy.
The wolves want to prey on the sheep. Devour them. Satiate their thirst for blood and death. Most predators don’t care if it gets messy.
And then there are the sheepdogs that make up only 2% of the population. They’re a little confusing. They look like predators on the outside (cute, yes, but look at their sharp teeth), but their motivation – their job – is to keep the sheep safe. They stand in the way of danger and say to the wolves that they will not feast on the sheep. They stand in the way of danger, and say to the wolves – YOU WILL NOT EAT. And how do you think those wolves feel about that? Probably strong enough to randomly pull over on the side of the road and kill him.
I also see our country as a sheepdog. We’re big, we’re powerful. We have beautiful brass shiny things, and chiseled jaws, a very cool flag and weapons around our waist. We are intimidating. And for decades we’ve said to wolves throughout history, YOU WILL NOT EAT. And how do you think those wolves feel about that? Strong enough to hijack planes and turn them into bombs. Strong enough to shoot our US Ambassador and drag his dead body through the streets.
Do you think the sheep are happy the sheepdogs are around? You’d think so. And some are. But sometimes those sheepdogs get a little bossy. Sometimes the sheepdogs have to get after the sheep because they’re doing something stupid that could jeopardize their safety. And because of that, sheep aren’t always grateful. Instead, they’re irritated.
Sometimes sheepdogs die protecting the sheep. Not gladly, but willingly. And those of us who commit to our sheepdogs understand the risks. But we love them anyway.
Because they’re people. Humans who tear up when it’s safe to do so. They love, and laugh, and feel deeply and play, but they are still sheepdogs at the core of their being. And when they put on the uniform, they tell wolves, NO LAMBCHOPS TODAY.
There are some that reason that if there were no sheepdogs, there would be no wolves. If we lay our weapons down, if we just learn to understand, be nice, try not to offend, then the wolves will go away. But if our cops cease to exist, or if America ceases to exist, it doesn’t mean the wolves will go prancing into the sunset with nothing to do.
It means they will devour the sheep.
*This idea comes courtesy of LtCol. Dave Grossman, awesome speaker and author of On Combat and On Killing.
Victoria Newman - "A CHiP on My Shoulder" September 14th, 2012
Posted In: Uncategorized
Tags: law enforcement, law enforcement death, police, police wives
I love uniforms.
Those pressed creases and shiny metal pins that shine in the sunlight. The mixed scent of leather and sweat. The creak of freshly polished shoes and the swish of the gunbelt as they head for duty. These senses bring comfort.
But those shiny pins represent a name, an oath, a determination. And that leather represents protection and that sweat reminds me there is a sacrifice. And those shoes carry that officer into some dark places. To protect you and me.
As May is here and departments across the nation are honoring those who’ve offered the ultimate sacrifice, I, too, want to pay tribute to not only those who have given all, but also to those who have sworn to protect, sworn to serve, and may still face the loss of their lives.
A simple thank you doesn’t seem enough…
They’re more than uniforms:
“To be a cop is to be many different occupations all at once. He/she has to be an athlete, a soldier, a scientist, a researcher, a paramedic, a NASCAR driver, a gun expert and marksman, a counselor, a chemist, a diplomat, a wrestler, a runner, a mechanic, a writer, and a lawyer. He must have a mother’s intuition, the nose of a bloodhound, the patience of a farmer, the compassion of Mother Teresa, and the tenacity of a 2-year-old. He must make peace out of chaos, comfort the anguished, discern criminal behavior from stupidity, and make split second decisions that may have life-altering consequences. He’s expected to be polite when verbally abused, keep people safe in dangerous situations, respect those who disrespect him, and understand the intentions of those who are misbehaving. He must constantly confront evil, and remain unsullied. He must be quick to respond, though sometimes the calls stack up. He must be able to speak police shorthand on radios that may be difficult to hear, especially when in heavy or fast-moving traffic. He is constantly second guessed on his actions, criticized for his demeanor, mocked for his diet and feared for his authority. He’s a threat, a target, a punisher, yet is a rescuer, a protector, and in some cases, a savior.
“Given these considerations, society’s expectations on our law enforcement are just short of impossible. But day to day, they report for duty, not knowing what the shift will offer. They put on their badges and try to do the best they can to fulfill the expectations of those they serve.” A CHiP on my Shoulder, pp. 76-77
Men and women of law enforcement, for all you are, we salute you.
For all you do, we respect you.
And for your willingness to serve and sacrifice, we thank you.
Victoria Newman - "A CHiP on My Shoulder" May 2nd, 2012
Posted In: Uncategorized
Tags: agent, cops, deputy, fallen officers, law enforcement, police, sheriff
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