Sunday was the BIG game. We walked across the street to our neighbor’s home, where the food is ample and amazing. I brought sun-dried tomato pesto appetizers – and they were gone in ten minutes. I brought wedges of brownie pizza – and they were gone in four. I didn’t expect that.
We rooted for the Patriots. It was the Year of Revenge – where they would beat every team that denied them Super Bowl victories of the past. We wanted them to win, but the Giants took that away. We didn’t expect that either.
In the last couple weeks several people I know have had things happen they didn’t expect:
A young couple gave birth to their daughter – they didn’t expect her to need open heart surgery immediately afterward.
My son’s dream was to be a Marine – we didn’t expect that he would be medically discharged.
A friend expected that her son would make a certain baseball team – he didn’t.
A friend’s father was finally healing after a difficult illness – they didn’t expect his sudden death.
A police officer didn’t expect that a foot pursuit would end in a need for shoulder surgery.
A group of five people driving home from the Super Bowl didn’t expect that three of them would never make it – after they were hit by a drunk driver.
On the other hand, sometimes we expect things not to happen, and we are surprised and pleased. A check arrives in the mail. A new job offer. Flowers on the doorstep (hint, hint!).
Our lives are constantly changing, twisting and turning, bringing pain and bringing joy. We never know what to expect. Especially as spouses of those with crisis-driven careers. And newsflash: there’s not a darn thing we can do about it. So much of life is out of our control.
What we can control is our expectations of loved ones. If there is discord, misunderstanding or conflict, often it is because others failed to meet our expectations. They didn’t make it on time, they didn’t have the right response, they were insensitive, they didn’t do what was asked. We are disappointed, we are angry, we want to lash out, and sometimes we even want to give up. So much of conflict is based on assumptions.
What am I expecting of my spouse? My kids?
People at work, school?
What am I expecting of friends, family?
What am I expecting of God?
What do others expect of me?
Are these expectations fair? If not, we adjust.
Have I communicated them clearly? If not, then I can start today.
I think these questions are worth asking and answering. We can’t control the unexpected happenings of life, and obviously we won’t always get what we expect. But we can take honest inventory of what we expect from those we love, and communicate clearly, improving our relationships, and making life just a little bit better.
Victoria Newman - "A CHiP on My Shoulder" February 8th, 2012
Posted In: Uncategorized
Today is Day One of my new blog. Welcome to my mind – let me share my heart…
Who am I?
I’m a 40-something wife of an Asst. Chief in the California Highway Patrol. I have four children: two young adults, a teenager, and a pre-teen, all living at home. I learn a lot from these five people who I share my life with. They are real, growing and changing persons, and at times this is hilarious. They are my family, my home.
I wrote “A CHiP on my Shoulder – How to Love Your Cop with Attitude,” a book specifically for law enforcement spouses. It’s my first book; won’t be my last. Rumor has it that cops all over the country are reading it too, but don’t tell them I told you, okay? I also mentor, speak, and comfort all ages of women who I come into contact with.
Some people say I look like Meg Ryan, but that was before she had plastic surgery and I gained 20 pounds. Okay, thirty. But I still hold onto that image of her in the yellow dress in Top Gun, comforting a tearful Tom Cruise in his naval uniform, offering altruistic comfort in the midst of her own pain. That’s the image I hold onto in my mind, even if the mirror doesn’t agree.
Why the blog?
I love uniforms. Police officers. Firefighters. Military. I love what they do, and how they do it. I love that they get it – that other people matter, and that some things are worth putting your life on the line to protect. And I have a passion to support them by supporting those who support them. Did you get that? Uniforms put themselves on the line, but there are those at home who love them, and have to make their own sacrifices. It’s never easy, and takes courage and tenacity to make a good marriage, a good home.
My early years with my cop on the street and babes in arms were lonely. I didn’t have many girlfriends who were married to cops. Los Angeles covers many traffic-jammed miles – we cop wives were spread apart, and others were breaking apart before our eyes. I love that we are joining together through education, shared experiences, police wives groups, and internet. We need each other!
So, what will I write about?
Being a cop wife. Being a mom. Being a whole woman. My observations and experiences with cop families. Lessons learned from little pieces of my life. Occasionally, I will share some God moments, as I am a woman of faith. Basically, anything and everything that can bring hope, help and sometimes humor to this life we live as LEOWs (law enforcement officer wives). Our spouses have backup on the street, we are their backup at home, but we, too, need support. We need backup for our homes. I hope my book, blog, and beyond will be beneficial (BTW, I like to play with words). At any rate, I got your back!
Victoria Newman - "A CHiP on My Shoulder" January 31st, 2012
Posted In: Uncategorized
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